I’ve always been a people pleaser, for as long as I can remember. I hated the thought of upsetting anyone and honestly just wanted to be liked by everyone.

Even at a young age, if there was a fallout with a friend at school, I’d always be the one to apologise just to keep the peace... even if it wasn’t my fault. When my parents argued, I remember not knowing what to do because I felt stuck in the middle. Who do I go to without taking sides?

I was always labelled the 'good girl' or 'she’s no trouble at all', and over the years, as all these small moments built up, I realised I'd moulded myself into someone that everyone else needed me to be.

I never caused any trouble (aka I muted my needs so I wasn't a nuisance), said yes to plans that I reallyyyy didn’t want to go on (so I wasn’t the miserable friend who never wanted to do anything), and learned to read the room and overcompensate if I sensed even the slightest bit of tension, just to avoid conflict.

But do you know the worst part of it? It was the anxiety and overthinking that came with it. Draining is an understatement.

It seems silly when I think back to it now, but I often found myself lying awake at night worrying about something that had happened years before, completely riddled with guilt. It got so bad that I actually reached out to people to apologise for things that had happened six or seven years earlier, just so I could find some peace again... and they were like, "What are you talking about? I don't even remember that happening."

I'd go out and have a lovely time with my friends, and then the moment I got home, my mind would spiral. I'd replay every conversation, wondering if I'd said something the wrong way, convinced they probably hated me. Until one of them texted saying they'd had a great time, my mind would race.

I even remember one time my partner said he thought two people seemed off with him after a family day together. The moment he said it, I worried about it until I physically had no energy left. My stomach was in knots, and it drained the absolute life out of me.

I was so busy focusing my energy on everyone else and trying to keep the peace that I was the only one not feeling any peace.

It consumed me every single day, with every single decision I made. Nothing was ever about what I wanted or what was best for me. It was always about what would make everyone else happy.

There came a point where I thought, I can't do this anymore.

I physically had no energy left to give, and the life I'd created was causing me so much stress and unhappiness because I'd spent years worrying about what I needed to do to be accepted and approved of by everyone around me.

Somewhere along the way, I'd completely lost myself... and I'd lost the vision for my own life too.

I was in a rut and couldn't see a way out.